It was one year ago that I said goodbye to my family, friends, church, and home country and boarded a plane to Ethiopia to live. Leaving the States was so bittersweet and I was really unaware at the time of all that would change in my life during the upcoming year. I am tired just thinking about it all.
Before moving to Ethiopia I thought I had prepared as much as I could. I did a great job preparing for the logistics of moving and living in a foreign land but I did a bad job of preparing myself emotionally. I was so caught up in the excitement of this new journey that God had me on that I didn’t allow the fact that I was actually moving and leaving to sink in. Sounds weird but I prepared to move but didn’t actually prepare to leave. It didn’t hit me until my last Sunday at HPC. I am crying now just thinking about how emotional that day was for me. That is the day that I had to leave the place that God used so strongly to change my life.
Sometimes I think about my life back in the States and wonder how it would be if I moved back. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t desire to go back but of course it crosses my mind of how things would be “easier” if I go back. When I have a really bad day here I wonder why God called me to leave the comforts of the States and my family, friends, and HPC. But God has allowed me to wonder recently why we, as Christians, think that it won’t cost us anything to follow Him.
Does it hurt to leave all of my precious family and friends behind? Do I miss not sticking out wherever I go? Do I sometimes get tired of the culture here? Do I so long to be back in HPC that it actually hurts? Yes-all of these things happen-but these are the costs that I must pay to follow Him. He never said it would be easy but He said it would be worth it.
And it SO has been worth it. I have learned so much from Him that I wonder if I would have seen it all had I not followed Him. I have learned so much about the world, other people, myself, and God. I have seen things here that I have not seen anywhere else in the world. Some things I have seen I can’t even adequately put into words.
God has used Ethiopia to grow, change, and mold me into what He wants me to be. At times it has hurt and I have fought Him and I won’t even lie and say that I have never told Him no. Because I have told Him no and there are things He has asked of me that I have refused. But God is a God of grace and He scolds me and we move on. But in those times that I have said yes even when I didn’t want to I saw true beauty. Beauty in a God that loves us more than we can ever imagine. Beauty in people that truly love God. Beauty in people that I serve. Beauty in people that serve me. Beauty in who God has made me.
Obviously there have been big changes in my personal life. I never thought when boarding that plan one year ago that I would finish my first year in Ethiopia with a husband and two children. I knew the children (Fiker and Rebirra) would happen eventually because God told me the prior year but I didn’t know when or how it would happen. I definitely never, ever thought that God would bring me a husband within my first year. People had joked that I would find my husband in Ethiopia but I never truly believed it nor made it a priority. But God had big plans for me and I am so happy that I have followed Him. It hasn’t been easy and I have had to pay some costs but when I start having a pity party about all that following Him has cost me, I think about all that Jesus paid to follow the will that God had laid out for him. Jesus paid it all, I can at least pay some “comfortability”, can’t I?
God recently brought the following passage to mind:
“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:12-14
Sometimes we have to leave things behind to gain what God has in front of us. We can’t move forward to the life and promises God has for us if we are hanging onto the past; even if those things are great and wonderful things. People often talk about how you have to leave your past behind to move forward with Christ and usually these people are talking about mistakes and sins from the past. This is true that we must leave those things behind but sometimes we can stunt our growth in Christ by hanging onto the good things of our past as well. Sometimes we have to let go of wonderful things, things that are truly blessings from God in order to grab what lies ahead of us. We may be comfortable in todays blessings but what if we all strained for tomorrow’s blessings and take hold of all that God has for us?
So as my second year in Ethiopia begins I strain for what God has in front of me. Straining to grab hold of all that He has in store for me, even if it hurts or pushes me beyond my limits.
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