Change

Change

Ahh, change.  Sometimes we usher in change with open arms.  Other times we desperately hang on to our current circumstances hoping and praying that they will never change.  If I had to sum up my time in Ethiopia with a few words, “change” would definitely make the list.

It all started with change.  Leaving everything I had ever known to live in one of the poorest countries in the world that I knew little about.  When I moved, I knew that my life circumstances would change but I had no idea the change that would happen in me as a person during the next 2+ years of my journey.

God has used my time in Ethiopia to bring me through a refining process.  Change isn’t usually easy, especially when we think we don’t need to change.  We can either accept the change that God is wanting to do in our lives or we can reject it and suffer.  I can’t say that I willingly accepted the change that God challenged me to.  There may or may not have been some ugly girl crying that took place.  But I eventually wised up and realized that God was doing this for my own benefit. 

I have been in some really deep, dark places in the past 2 years.  I have had some real moments of intense struggle.  I have had some moments of doubt.  I have had some moments of worry-worry that I wasn’t accomplishing what God brought me here to do.  I have had some real moments of being lost-lost as to what I am to do next with ministry.  I have had seasons of dealing with spiritual warfare that I thought I would never come out from under.  I have had seasons of serious illnesses.  But God used all those moments and seasons to change me into the new me.

2 Corinthians 5:17 says that when we become Christians we put off our old selves and become a new creation.  I definitely felt that when I became a Christian around 6 years ago but I guess I never realized that after that time, we still had changing to do.

My process of change was painful and hideous and I was not always in a good place during that change.  I was not always a good wife, mother, and friend to those around me.  But I finally feel as if I have come out on the other side.  Recently, God has been showing Mussie and me other changes that we need to make in our marriage, family, and ministry and sometimes it is overwhelming.  Change is scary and it is painful. 

Sometimes, when God changes the course of our lives or ministry it breaks our heart but if we can just realize that He is there putting back together the pieces of our heart for our benefit and His glory then it can make the process easier. 

I know that Mussie and I are starting another season of change right now and while I don’t know what will come of it, I am confident that it is the best thing for us because it is what HE wants.